opening me up.

Here’s a little about me – not entirely poetic but I thought that I should start somewhere. After all, who wants to read about someone they don’t know!? Or, is that possibly the intrigue? Well either way, I feel responsible or better yet, compelled, to let you into my life by sharing not only commonly know facts but even dark secretes, insecurities, and fears. I’m sure by the end of this blogging adventure I’m going to look back and wonder why I let those things come to light and even feel a little silly, possibly even more than I do now, about dramatizing my existence. Nevertheless, here it goes, 10 facts about me -- just a dreamer, in a world of people who have lost sight of the pleasures of good night’s sleep and a healthy imagination.

1. I originally started cooking not because of my love for food, which I certainly have, but because I thought that it would make a guy happy. I wanted to have a talent that would make men want me, make other women jealous, and be something that was only achievable to those who had the time to practice and the money to buy the best ingredients that would make others drool, literally! What seems to be a crazy and confused reason for starting such a hobby has turned into a thing of the past and I now cook because I love it. I love the feeling of creating something new, I love the idea that it’s a comfort to most, and I love how relaxed I feel when I cook on the weekends, have a glass of wine, and just enjoy the aroma of a home cooked meal. I love the warmth of a kitchen on a cold winter day and the refreshing feeling a cool ice-cream treat in the summer. No matter what the occasion, the kitchen always feels like home.

2. I am incredibly insecure about my stomach, even though I’m only 120 lbs and 5’1”. I hate how I look naked or clothed. I often blame it on my last boyfriend who always had something to say about what I was eating and if it was healthy or not. But, to be perfectly honest, I’ve always been insecure about my looks. I feel like my tummy is the first thing people see and it’s what they’re thinking about when they’re talking to me. I’m generally in a happy mood but my perception of how I look, especially my stomach, definitely influences my personality for the day.

3. I’m actually 5’2” but I think short women are cute – 5’2” is still pretty short but I just like 5’1” better. That’s #1 of my dirty little secretes, I don’t lie often but I do lie about that one!

4. My personality shifts constantly but I thinks it’s a good thing. In fact, I feel like it’s one of my biggest strengths. I’m a realist, idealist, and skeptic all in one, if that’s possible. Depending on the situation, I put on whichever hat fits and I wear it well.

5. I’m often times VERY self-centered. Not sure if you noticed, but I have no problem talking about myself. I don’t know if this is because I think that I’m wonderful or because it’s just easiest to talk about yourself. I mean, you’re always going to be knowledgeable about the subject, you can always think of something to say, and no one can argue it because, after all, don’t you have the final say?

6. That leads me to the next fact – I’m afraid of being wrong and I feel like I must be perfect. I don’t like to fail and I believe as though I should for some reason just “know”. If I don’t know something, I feel silly. That’s changing a bit, because like I said it’s been one hell of a year in which I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I feel like I have made a conscious effort to stop trying to be “perfect.” I have met some of the most remarkable young adults this year, most of whom have taught me a lot about life. I teach 7th grade at a school for children who are beyond their years, not simply with intelligence in regards to education, which many are, but socially, emotionally, and kinesthetically. They have taught me oh so much.

7. Sweets are my weakness. I cannot say no to chocolate, although I try and often times succeed for a day, I always cave the next. I feel the same way about things with garlic in them. Note however, I’m EXTREMELY picky, so I only like certain foods, certain sweets, etc. So when I say that I love food, it really only pertains to certain things that I have grown accustom to over the years. By stating that I love food and I enjoy cooking, in no way do I wish to imply that I actually eat the items that I make, my fiancée does… it’s another story entirely and I’ll cover that on a different day.

8. I’m a horrible speller. I apologize in advance - enough said!

9. My mouth gets me into trouble. People should not ask for opinions from me unless they want to hear the honest to god truth. I have a hard time holding in what I really feel and I don’t like to lie. This is mainly because I have learned my lesson with it. I was a HUGE liar when I was little and it got me in a lot of trouble. Therefore, I hate it because of my own insecurities in the matter. Also, I hate the feeling of embarrassment and I if you lie, you’re almost guaranteed to be embarrassed regularly -- unless you’re good at it, which I’m certainly not.

10. GOD? I often question this. Inside my head I want to believe in God for my parent’s sake, and again, because I don’t want people to feel like I’m not perfect. Let’s face it, believing in some sort of religion is socially acceptable. Truth of the matter is that I don’t know what to believe. I feel like the idea of some all knowing god living in the clouds is ridiculous and childish. It seems like such an immature outlook and the stories are so far fetched. I think the idea of Jesus is wonderful and I feel like the principles behind it are wonderful, however, people really don’t live the principles. That’s another reason I have such a problem with organized religion because out of a congregation of 1000, only about 2 of them really actually live what they say, the rest just preach it and then go on treating people and the environment as it is convenient for them. I can’t be crammed into a building, especially in the summer, on a Sunday morning with a bunch of hypocrites, when I could be spending quality time at a homeless shelter or somewhere else actually living my faith.