I have always had a hard time with relationships because I’m not very tolerant. I want things done my way, I don’t want to be told what to do, and I don’t like unsolicited advice. That last point is the main reason that I have problems with my future mother-in-law. I feel like she’s always trying to give me advice and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it for a really horrible reason, I’m a cocky bitch and I don’t want to take advice from anyone who isn’t “perfect” because I feel like I’m doing very well for myself. So, why would I listen to someone who isn’t “up to my standards?” Now, let me clarify for you, I don’t mean that in an “I’m not going to take advice from anyone in any area” but my mother-in-law seems to have advice about everything. I don’t mind taking advice in one area or another, in which that person excels, however, she is divorced and incredibly insecure. She doesn’t love her job and she really does not have any quality friends. Her family doesn’t like her much and despite all of this, she constantly gives advice to everyone! I’m not sure why she does it but would you really take relationship advice from someone who divorced their husband because he didn’t make enough money? That’s not to say that I don’t ever get along with her nor have fun with her, when I can put aside the fact that I’m clearly doing everything wrong in my life and need to be told the correct way of doing things (in her eyes). I’m sure Keith is going to read this and kill me but I felt like I needed to give you insight, so when I write more later you know where I’m coming from.
Now for the mother: I have a hot and cold relationship with my mother, just as I do with my future mother-in-law. I feel like my mom has taught me a great deal, but there are a lot of things that I have realized as I’ve grown up and one of them is that my mom is crazy and she’s not always right. My mom has some very neurotic behavior and often times starts fights, just to have something to say. She is incredibly pessimistic and always thinks she knows how I can be doing something better. My main issue with my mother is that again, she doesn’t have a lot of things in her life that I envy or even strive to achieve. I find it very hard to look up to someone that you don’t see a lot in their personality or way of life, that you want to become. That again might make me sound like a bitch but it’s the truth. I hold myself to EXTREMELY high standards and those that I look up to are held to the same standards. Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t meet them and I don’t like to hear about how I’m not doing something right, when I feel like she’s made so many mistakes and isn’t doing a lot “right”. But, I can’t tell her that!
The question that Keith and I ponder is “how can you be close with your family if you know that if they weren’t family, they would have nothing to offer your relationship?” That sounds cold and shallow, and of course everyone has something to offer, but really can’t you think of one person that you could probably be happy in life without? I mean I can name a few people that friends or not, my life would be pretty much the same and I could find someone else to learn from and enjoy.
“Perfect” and “right” are quoted because I am a realist in the sense that I know that no one is perfect and I believe that what is right is relative to the situation, person, and belief system.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
life reflection question #2.
If a student (or child) came up to you and asked what "real-life" is going be like, what would you tell them?
If a college student asked what life will be like, I would tell them that it’s only as hard as you make it. You can pick your battles in life – that’s a hard lesson to learn but a very important one! I have also learned that no matter how much you try to not let money influence your life, it does. I’ve heard time and time again that “you don’t need money to be happy.” That’s true, but it sure does help! I never really thought about it until this point because I always had what I wanted – I could ask my parents for clothes or CD or spending money or whatever and we always went on vacations. I never really reflected on the items that I had and what it would be like if I had to choose between paying the rent or going on vacation. Not that I’m poor now, but I’m just not as established as my parents are and in the adult work there are a lot of needs that must come before the wants. ** I must say that I sound like a brat when you read what I’ve written about my childhood but honestly, I was always grateful for my upbringing. I just never connected the dots and realized that my parents were probably making significant sacrifices to give me the things that I wanted.
Back to my previous statement “life is only as hard as you make it.” I have learned three valuable lessons: pick your battles, choose good partners (friends, family, and business), and don’t procrastinate.
Pick your battles – A prime example of this happened yesterday, when Comcast decided to change our channels over from analog to digital. Because of this, we lost numerous channels and are stuck with either 10 high definition channels or 30 regular channels, after we bought a high def television! I called them up in a huff and what did they say, “Well we can’t help you because that’s in our policy that we can change viewing stations and no, you can’t cancel unless you pay a $150 cancellation fee.” WTF! So I decided that instead of fighting a battle that I can’t win and being emotionally upset about it, I would decide not to care and would not use Comcast once I moved. There are multiple examples of “pick your battles” but this one still pisses me off, so I thought I’d share. I don’t think I know one person who actually likes Comcast by the way!
Choose good partners – I don’t mean like “life partners” although I’m not opposed to homosexuality at all. I just want to be clear that when I say partners, I talking friends, family (whomever you choose to bring into your already existing family), and business partners, pretty much anyone you have in your life by choice. This is the one area in life where you really have the opportunity to be picky and make sure that your choices affect you in a positive way. I feel like I have had many different opportunities to choose a person who would be a positive addition to my life and a person who would be a negative addition. In the past, especially high school, I picked the person who would be a negative influence for the simple reason that they always seemed to be having more fun. They had access to items that I shouldn’t have had access to and they were willing to share. Now, looking back I regret those decisions. I wish I had more friends and people who really cared about me, in a way I realize that I lost my chance with the positive people and I feel isolated and alone. I once had this friend named Jenna who lived on the wild side a bit and another friend named Nicole who was a little quieter and always cared what people thought. I felt had to decided (another big mistake, why can’t you be friends with more than one person?) who I wanted to be friends with; I picked Jenna. She had older guy friends, drank a bit, and had unlimited amounts of pot. She was a lot of fun to hang out with but I somehow knew that we would move past the surface fun and realize that we didn’t have a true friendship. Sure enough, we did and I ended up friendless. This happened so many times in my life at this point that I can’t even count them all!
Don’t Procrastinate – This lesson was very simple; I figured out early on that if you don’t procrastinate then you have more time to fix mistakes if you should make them! I always try to get my work done early because then if I hear that I need to add, change, or redo something, I have time and I still meet the “due dates.”
If a college student asked what life will be like, I would tell them that it’s only as hard as you make it. You can pick your battles in life – that’s a hard lesson to learn but a very important one! I have also learned that no matter how much you try to not let money influence your life, it does. I’ve heard time and time again that “you don’t need money to be happy.” That’s true, but it sure does help! I never really thought about it until this point because I always had what I wanted – I could ask my parents for clothes or CD or spending money or whatever and we always went on vacations. I never really reflected on the items that I had and what it would be like if I had to choose between paying the rent or going on vacation. Not that I’m poor now, but I’m just not as established as my parents are and in the adult work there are a lot of needs that must come before the wants. ** I must say that I sound like a brat when you read what I’ve written about my childhood but honestly, I was always grateful for my upbringing. I just never connected the dots and realized that my parents were probably making significant sacrifices to give me the things that I wanted.
Back to my previous statement “life is only as hard as you make it.” I have learned three valuable lessons: pick your battles, choose good partners (friends, family, and business), and don’t procrastinate.
Pick your battles – A prime example of this happened yesterday, when Comcast decided to change our channels over from analog to digital. Because of this, we lost numerous channels and are stuck with either 10 high definition channels or 30 regular channels, after we bought a high def television! I called them up in a huff and what did they say, “Well we can’t help you because that’s in our policy that we can change viewing stations and no, you can’t cancel unless you pay a $150 cancellation fee.” WTF! So I decided that instead of fighting a battle that I can’t win and being emotionally upset about it, I would decide not to care and would not use Comcast once I moved. There are multiple examples of “pick your battles” but this one still pisses me off, so I thought I’d share. I don’t think I know one person who actually likes Comcast by the way!
Choose good partners – I don’t mean like “life partners” although I’m not opposed to homosexuality at all. I just want to be clear that when I say partners, I talking friends, family (whomever you choose to bring into your already existing family), and business partners, pretty much anyone you have in your life by choice. This is the one area in life where you really have the opportunity to be picky and make sure that your choices affect you in a positive way. I feel like I have had many different opportunities to choose a person who would be a positive addition to my life and a person who would be a negative addition. In the past, especially high school, I picked the person who would be a negative influence for the simple reason that they always seemed to be having more fun. They had access to items that I shouldn’t have had access to and they were willing to share. Now, looking back I regret those decisions. I wish I had more friends and people who really cared about me, in a way I realize that I lost my chance with the positive people and I feel isolated and alone. I once had this friend named Jenna who lived on the wild side a bit and another friend named Nicole who was a little quieter and always cared what people thought. I felt had to decided (another big mistake, why can’t you be friends with more than one person?) who I wanted to be friends with; I picked Jenna. She had older guy friends, drank a bit, and had unlimited amounts of pot. She was a lot of fun to hang out with but I somehow knew that we would move past the surface fun and realize that we didn’t have a true friendship. Sure enough, we did and I ended up friendless. This happened so many times in my life at this point that I can’t even count them all!
Don’t Procrastinate – This lesson was very simple; I figured out early on that if you don’t procrastinate then you have more time to fix mistakes if you should make them! I always try to get my work done early because then if I hear that I need to add, change, or redo something, I have time and I still meet the “due dates.”
my body is sore.
I just wrote a whole entry and lost it... so here it goes again. I have been crazy busy and will write more this weekend. Don't you hate it when you feel like you don't even have time in your day to go to the bathroom?? It's been one of those weeks for me. Keith and I went home to visit our parents this weekend. It was my mom's birthday and Keith's mom just wanted to see us. I will explain the bizarre relationship that we have with our families another time. On Saturday night, we went to my friend's aunt's house to have a bomb fire and then we spent the night. In writing this, I realized that I’ll have to explain the complexity of my relationships to you. Maybe that is what I’ll share this weekend when I have more time, I explain to you all the crazy people and relationships I have in my life. Anyway, on Sunday we drove home and I bought a bike. We rode all day! Monday started Earth Week and I took 2 long hikes with my students. Then we did a four mile running scavenger hunt and I almost died! Yesterday, we did one more long hike and today we are taking a 13 mile bike trip with the 7th grade… wish me luck!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
morning mishap and self-reflection.
After the excitement of two very busy days at work and a crazy alarm clock mishap this morning, I’ve decided that I have to write tonight to settle down a bit. First off, I set my alarm last night for 5:00 (which gets me up and out of the house by 5:30) and I arrive at work a few minutes before 7:30. I haven’t shared this before, but I drive two hours each way to work. That’s a total of 4 hours, which contributes to the insanity in my life. Anyway, I set my alarm and fell asleep exhausted last night because I had a meeting with parents until 7:00 pm yesterday. When I woke up this morning, to the sound of the garbage truck, I was shocked that the garbage man was there so early and that it was light out… I rolled over to check the clock and noticed that it was 7:00 am -- I had set my alarm for 5:00 pm!!! I raced out of bed and into the shower, in less than three minutes I was out and throwing on clothes. In the haste, I forgot my lunch but managed to get into my car by 7:15 am, not bad for a woman, but not a good way to start the day. :) I then started my trek to work, starving and looking like crap! One day, I’ll write about all the funny things that I see when I drive but today I have to do something to get my mind off of the bad morning (although the day turned out ok).
I’m going to start answering some reflection questions that we give to our 7th graders at the end of the year but are actually really good self-reflection questions for anyone.
Question 1: What incredible things do you feel you have accomplished? How did you get there? (Did someone help you, did you finally get serious and take care of things, etc.) Consider the starting of a good habit, the end of a bad habit, showing signs of maturity, etc.
This year, and last, has been two of the more eventful and amazing years of my life. I graduated college with an Elementary Education degree and Mathematics minor. Keith, my fiancé, and I got engaged in Europe (which was my graduation present to myself). We traveled all around Europe for about a month and then when we returned, I pursued a teaching job and love my school. I found my first little apartment to live on my own (not with my parents but with Keith and my kitty, of course). That is a small synopsis of my life at this point and a snapshot of where I am.
How did I get there? Well, that’s a long story, to be exact a 23 year long story, because everyone and everything in my life up to this point helped me to get to the place that I am now. But, I can say that I have always had a drive and determination that has kept me going, no matter what problems I encounter. I feel that there are two types of people in this world, doers and followers. I’ve always been a doer; I got that from my dad. I work very hard to achieve my goals but I’m not afraid to ask for help or guidance along the way. I have many influential people in my life and I really wouldn’t be where I’m at without their support. Keith has been one of the most powerful forces in my life over the last few years. He is forever encouraging and accepts me for me. As my best friend stated, “He loves you but doesn’t take your bullshit.”
I have also ended a bad habit and I feel that it has brought me a lot of harmony. I used to not care about what other people thought and I still don’t to some degree, but I look at it differently than I did a few years ago. I used to feel that I could say anything or do anything because if someone found out that I was gossiping about them and didn’t like it, well I didn’t need them anyway. I now realize how precious relationships are and I work very hard to keep them. I try not to gossip or to talk about others, except to Keith. I’ll admit it, I still tell him pretty much everything and I definitely have my bitch sessions. Overall, however, I really treasure my friends, family, and coworkers and understand that their feelings are important and delicate. That’s a huge revelation for me!
I’m going to start answering some reflection questions that we give to our 7th graders at the end of the year but are actually really good self-reflection questions for anyone.
Question 1: What incredible things do you feel you have accomplished? How did you get there? (Did someone help you, did you finally get serious and take care of things, etc.) Consider the starting of a good habit, the end of a bad habit, showing signs of maturity, etc.
This year, and last, has been two of the more eventful and amazing years of my life. I graduated college with an Elementary Education degree and Mathematics minor. Keith, my fiancé, and I got engaged in Europe (which was my graduation present to myself). We traveled all around Europe for about a month and then when we returned, I pursued a teaching job and love my school. I found my first little apartment to live on my own (not with my parents but with Keith and my kitty, of course). That is a small synopsis of my life at this point and a snapshot of where I am.
How did I get there? Well, that’s a long story, to be exact a 23 year long story, because everyone and everything in my life up to this point helped me to get to the place that I am now. But, I can say that I have always had a drive and determination that has kept me going, no matter what problems I encounter. I feel that there are two types of people in this world, doers and followers. I’ve always been a doer; I got that from my dad. I work very hard to achieve my goals but I’m not afraid to ask for help or guidance along the way. I have many influential people in my life and I really wouldn’t be where I’m at without their support. Keith has been one of the most powerful forces in my life over the last few years. He is forever encouraging and accepts me for me. As my best friend stated, “He loves you but doesn’t take your bullshit.”
I have also ended a bad habit and I feel that it has brought me a lot of harmony. I used to not care about what other people thought and I still don’t to some degree, but I look at it differently than I did a few years ago. I used to feel that I could say anything or do anything because if someone found out that I was gossiping about them and didn’t like it, well I didn’t need them anyway. I now realize how precious relationships are and I work very hard to keep them. I try not to gossip or to talk about others, except to Keith. I’ll admit it, I still tell him pretty much everything and I definitely have my bitch sessions. Overall, however, I really treasure my friends, family, and coworkers and understand that their feelings are important and delicate. That’s a huge revelation for me!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
is this entertaining?
I got in an interesting argument with my fiance this weekend about posting information online. His point is that I shouldn't share personal information and that I should keep my feelings confined to the realm of my close friends and family. I, on the other hand, love sharing things about myself to the general public, one, in part because I don't think anyone really reads my blog, and two, because who cares what other people think?! I mean really, it doesn't matter to me if people know that we had an argument or two. We're only human and there we're bound to have a few more before the end of 50, or so, year marriage. Keith feels that I shouldn't open myself (or our relationship) up to public comment. Now, I'm asking how do you feel about it? Why are you a blogger? Because I said who cares what people think and then ask for your opinion, I am aware that I am being slightly contradictory.
On a separate note, I know that I said I would answer some reflection questions but I haven't had much time -- I went to a BBQ party to watch the Barcelona vs. Real Madrid soccer game yesterday and then came home and watched a season of Entourage. I don't usually watch T.V. but I just watched an episode and I'm hooked!! I rented the seasons and I'm going to catch myself up. So, If I get to the reflection questions later today, I'll post again but quite frankly, I feel like being lazy! :)
On a separate note, I know that I said I would answer some reflection questions but I haven't had much time -- I went to a BBQ party to watch the Barcelona vs. Real Madrid soccer game yesterday and then came home and watched a season of Entourage. I don't usually watch T.V. but I just watched an episode and I'm hooked!! I rented the seasons and I'm going to catch myself up. So, If I get to the reflection questions later today, I'll post again but quite frankly, I feel like being lazy! :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
funny story.
So, I just have a totally random story to share today that I thought was funny, which I hope that I can easily convey the humor in writing... here it goes!
#11. I’m gullible – Every morning, I sign on to my email through Google, check the weather, and Facebook. Well, this one particular morning, early in April, I sign on to check my email. I notice that Google has decided to change the heading on their website to Topeka (even if you already know about this, it’s probably still worth hearing) and to accompany the change, there was an article explaining why. I read the whole thing, which stated that Topeka, Kansas changed their name to Google, so Google had graciously changed their name to Topeka. At that point, being someone who absolutely LOVES Google, I was furious. I thought Topeka sounded ridiculous! So, I went on with my morning rituals, signed onto Facebook, and made a post. I ranted about how “I am never going to call Google, Topeka. That’s so stupid… I mean would you walk around saying, “Well, why don’t you Topeka it!?!” and so on. At that point, I wrote a good long paragraph on my status and then signed off in a huff. I then proceeded to the kitchen to make myself breakfast and my mother called to ask what day was my friend’s party. I looked at the calendar and noticed that low and behold, the date that day was April 1st! I was so embarrassed that Google had tricked me but impressed with the prank; I ran back to the computer and deleted my status. I thought that was an excellent April Fools joke and I couldn’t stop smiling about it because I had never gotten tricked before. For the rest of the day my Facebook status was “It’s April Fools Day… and I guess I’m a real fool!”
More to come soon, as I found a bunch of really awesome personal reflection questions that I would like to answer. It's simply more about me but maybe the questions will give you something to ponder and the answers will provide some entertainment, as well.
#11. I’m gullible – Every morning, I sign on to my email through Google, check the weather, and Facebook. Well, this one particular morning, early in April, I sign on to check my email. I notice that Google has decided to change the heading on their website to Topeka (even if you already know about this, it’s probably still worth hearing) and to accompany the change, there was an article explaining why. I read the whole thing, which stated that Topeka, Kansas changed their name to Google, so Google had graciously changed their name to Topeka. At that point, being someone who absolutely LOVES Google, I was furious. I thought Topeka sounded ridiculous! So, I went on with my morning rituals, signed onto Facebook, and made a post. I ranted about how “I am never going to call Google, Topeka. That’s so stupid… I mean would you walk around saying, “Well, why don’t you Topeka it!?!” and so on. At that point, I wrote a good long paragraph on my status and then signed off in a huff. I then proceeded to the kitchen to make myself breakfast and my mother called to ask what day was my friend’s party. I looked at the calendar and noticed that low and behold, the date that day was April 1st! I was so embarrassed that Google had tricked me but impressed with the prank; I ran back to the computer and deleted my status. I thought that was an excellent April Fools joke and I couldn’t stop smiling about it because I had never gotten tricked before. For the rest of the day my Facebook status was “It’s April Fools Day… and I guess I’m a real fool!”
More to come soon, as I found a bunch of really awesome personal reflection questions that I would like to answer. It's simply more about me but maybe the questions will give you something to ponder and the answers will provide some entertainment, as well.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
opening me up.
Here’s a little about me – not entirely poetic but I thought that I should start somewhere. After all, who wants to read about someone they don’t know!? Or, is that possibly the intrigue? Well either way, I feel responsible or better yet, compelled, to let you into my life by sharing not only commonly know facts but even dark secretes, insecurities, and fears. I’m sure by the end of this blogging adventure I’m going to look back and wonder why I let those things come to light and even feel a little silly, possibly even more than I do now, about dramatizing my existence. Nevertheless, here it goes, 10 facts about me -- just a dreamer, in a world of people who have lost sight of the pleasures of good night’s sleep and a healthy imagination.
1. I originally started cooking not because of my love for food, which I certainly have, but because I thought that it would make a guy happy. I wanted to have a talent that would make men want me, make other women jealous, and be something that was only achievable to those who had the time to practice and the money to buy the best ingredients that would make others drool, literally! What seems to be a crazy and confused reason for starting such a hobby has turned into a thing of the past and I now cook because I love it. I love the feeling of creating something new, I love the idea that it’s a comfort to most, and I love how relaxed I feel when I cook on the weekends, have a glass of wine, and just enjoy the aroma of a home cooked meal. I love the warmth of a kitchen on a cold winter day and the refreshing feeling a cool ice-cream treat in the summer. No matter what the occasion, the kitchen always feels like home.
2. I am incredibly insecure about my stomach, even though I’m only 120 lbs and 5’1”. I hate how I look naked or clothed. I often blame it on my last boyfriend who always had something to say about what I was eating and if it was healthy or not. But, to be perfectly honest, I’ve always been insecure about my looks. I feel like my tummy is the first thing people see and it’s what they’re thinking about when they’re talking to me. I’m generally in a happy mood but my perception of how I look, especially my stomach, definitely influences my personality for the day.
3. I’m actually 5’2” but I think short women are cute – 5’2” is still pretty short but I just like 5’1” better. That’s #1 of my dirty little secretes, I don’t lie often but I do lie about that one!
4. My personality shifts constantly but I thinks it’s a good thing. In fact, I feel like it’s one of my biggest strengths. I’m a realist, idealist, and skeptic all in one, if that’s possible. Depending on the situation, I put on whichever hat fits and I wear it well.
5. I’m often times VERY self-centered. Not sure if you noticed, but I have no problem talking about myself. I don’t know if this is because I think that I’m wonderful or because it’s just easiest to talk about yourself. I mean, you’re always going to be knowledgeable about the subject, you can always think of something to say, and no one can argue it because, after all, don’t you have the final say?
6. That leads me to the next fact – I’m afraid of being wrong and I feel like I must be perfect. I don’t like to fail and I believe as though I should for some reason just “know”. If I don’t know something, I feel silly. That’s changing a bit, because like I said it’s been one hell of a year in which I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I feel like I have made a conscious effort to stop trying to be “perfect.” I have met some of the most remarkable young adults this year, most of whom have taught me a lot about life. I teach 7th grade at a school for children who are beyond their years, not simply with intelligence in regards to education, which many are, but socially, emotionally, and kinesthetically. They have taught me oh so much.
7. Sweets are my weakness. I cannot say no to chocolate, although I try and often times succeed for a day, I always cave the next. I feel the same way about things with garlic in them. Note however, I’m EXTREMELY picky, so I only like certain foods, certain sweets, etc. So when I say that I love food, it really only pertains to certain things that I have grown accustom to over the years. By stating that I love food and I enjoy cooking, in no way do I wish to imply that I actually eat the items that I make, my fiancée does… it’s another story entirely and I’ll cover that on a different day.
8. I’m a horrible speller. I apologize in advance - enough said!
9. My mouth gets me into trouble. People should not ask for opinions from me unless they want to hear the honest to god truth. I have a hard time holding in what I really feel and I don’t like to lie. This is mainly because I have learned my lesson with it. I was a HUGE liar when I was little and it got me in a lot of trouble. Therefore, I hate it because of my own insecurities in the matter. Also, I hate the feeling of embarrassment and I if you lie, you’re almost guaranteed to be embarrassed regularly -- unless you’re good at it, which I’m certainly not.
10. GOD? I often question this. Inside my head I want to believe in God for my parent’s sake, and again, because I don’t want people to feel like I’m not perfect. Let’s face it, believing in some sort of religion is socially acceptable. Truth of the matter is that I don’t know what to believe. I feel like the idea of some all knowing god living in the clouds is ridiculous and childish. It seems like such an immature outlook and the stories are so far fetched. I think the idea of Jesus is wonderful and I feel like the principles behind it are wonderful, however, people really don’t live the principles. That’s another reason I have such a problem with organized religion because out of a congregation of 1000, only about 2 of them really actually live what they say, the rest just preach it and then go on treating people and the environment as it is convenient for them. I can’t be crammed into a building, especially in the summer, on a Sunday morning with a bunch of hypocrites, when I could be spending quality time at a homeless shelter or somewhere else actually living my faith.
1. I originally started cooking not because of my love for food, which I certainly have, but because I thought that it would make a guy happy. I wanted to have a talent that would make men want me, make other women jealous, and be something that was only achievable to those who had the time to practice and the money to buy the best ingredients that would make others drool, literally! What seems to be a crazy and confused reason for starting such a hobby has turned into a thing of the past and I now cook because I love it. I love the feeling of creating something new, I love the idea that it’s a comfort to most, and I love how relaxed I feel when I cook on the weekends, have a glass of wine, and just enjoy the aroma of a home cooked meal. I love the warmth of a kitchen on a cold winter day and the refreshing feeling a cool ice-cream treat in the summer. No matter what the occasion, the kitchen always feels like home.
2. I am incredibly insecure about my stomach, even though I’m only 120 lbs and 5’1”. I hate how I look naked or clothed. I often blame it on my last boyfriend who always had something to say about what I was eating and if it was healthy or not. But, to be perfectly honest, I’ve always been insecure about my looks. I feel like my tummy is the first thing people see and it’s what they’re thinking about when they’re talking to me. I’m generally in a happy mood but my perception of how I look, especially my stomach, definitely influences my personality for the day.
3. I’m actually 5’2” but I think short women are cute – 5’2” is still pretty short but I just like 5’1” better. That’s #1 of my dirty little secretes, I don’t lie often but I do lie about that one!
4. My personality shifts constantly but I thinks it’s a good thing. In fact, I feel like it’s one of my biggest strengths. I’m a realist, idealist, and skeptic all in one, if that’s possible. Depending on the situation, I put on whichever hat fits and I wear it well.
5. I’m often times VERY self-centered. Not sure if you noticed, but I have no problem talking about myself. I don’t know if this is because I think that I’m wonderful or because it’s just easiest to talk about yourself. I mean, you’re always going to be knowledgeable about the subject, you can always think of something to say, and no one can argue it because, after all, don’t you have the final say?
6. That leads me to the next fact – I’m afraid of being wrong and I feel like I must be perfect. I don’t like to fail and I believe as though I should for some reason just “know”. If I don’t know something, I feel silly. That’s changing a bit, because like I said it’s been one hell of a year in which I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I feel like I have made a conscious effort to stop trying to be “perfect.” I have met some of the most remarkable young adults this year, most of whom have taught me a lot about life. I teach 7th grade at a school for children who are beyond their years, not simply with intelligence in regards to education, which many are, but socially, emotionally, and kinesthetically. They have taught me oh so much.
7. Sweets are my weakness. I cannot say no to chocolate, although I try and often times succeed for a day, I always cave the next. I feel the same way about things with garlic in them. Note however, I’m EXTREMELY picky, so I only like certain foods, certain sweets, etc. So when I say that I love food, it really only pertains to certain things that I have grown accustom to over the years. By stating that I love food and I enjoy cooking, in no way do I wish to imply that I actually eat the items that I make, my fiancée does… it’s another story entirely and I’ll cover that on a different day.
8. I’m a horrible speller. I apologize in advance - enough said!
9. My mouth gets me into trouble. People should not ask for opinions from me unless they want to hear the honest to god truth. I have a hard time holding in what I really feel and I don’t like to lie. This is mainly because I have learned my lesson with it. I was a HUGE liar when I was little and it got me in a lot of trouble. Therefore, I hate it because of my own insecurities in the matter. Also, I hate the feeling of embarrassment and I if you lie, you’re almost guaranteed to be embarrassed regularly -- unless you’re good at it, which I’m certainly not.
10. GOD? I often question this. Inside my head I want to believe in God for my parent’s sake, and again, because I don’t want people to feel like I’m not perfect. Let’s face it, believing in some sort of religion is socially acceptable. Truth of the matter is that I don’t know what to believe. I feel like the idea of some all knowing god living in the clouds is ridiculous and childish. It seems like such an immature outlook and the stories are so far fetched. I think the idea of Jesus is wonderful and I feel like the principles behind it are wonderful, however, people really don’t live the principles. That’s another reason I have such a problem with organized religion because out of a congregation of 1000, only about 2 of them really actually live what they say, the rest just preach it and then go on treating people and the environment as it is convenient for them. I can’t be crammed into a building, especially in the summer, on a Sunday morning with a bunch of hypocrites, when I could be spending quality time at a homeless shelter or somewhere else actually living my faith.
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